By MARTY LEVINE
“Ninety-eight percent of workers say they have experienced incivility at some time in their career,” said LifeSolutions’ Jessie Love during the Oct. 18 Faculty and Staff Development Program’s new course, “Civility in the Workplace: Who Do You Want To Be?” However, she cautioned: “Civility starts with ourselves.”
“We can’t control what others do,” Love said, but we can live our own values.
It was easy for participants to pinpoint those values worth having: honesty, peace, family, respect, faith, friends, kindness.
Incivility is, of course, living one value that no one should have: a lack of compassion for others, which leads to a toxic work environment, where people are disrespectful, impolite, cold and rude.
Such behaviors in the workplace could be intentional or unintentional, but many class participants had experienced them: Colleagues gossiping, interrupting or excluding each other, criticizing or talking down to others, or practicing other dismissive behavior, from a simple lack of greeting in a hallway to not responding to emails.
Love offered other examples of workplace incivility, from passive-aggressive interactions and hazing, nitpicking, refusing help, ignoring others at meetings to not giving credit where credit is due to walking away without fixing a printer jam or leaving your unwashed coffee cup in the sink.
Those who experience incivility are more likely to be dissatisfied at work and leave their jobs, Love noted.
Now, she said, ask yourself, whether intentionally or not, you have engaged in workplace incivility? “Most of us don’t go to work planning” not to be civil, she said. But most of us are hoping for others to change. “We don’t often look at ourselves.”
Sometimes uncivil behavior feels good — momentarily. But it has real consequences for others, Love said: “Diminished teamwork. Reduced work quality. More errors on the job. Decreased productivity. Lowered morale. Increased absences. Increased staff turnover.” Incivility can also result in a damaged reputation for your organization and damaged relationships with clients and co-workers.
It’s thus very important to recognize when you might be blind to certain of your own behaviors. “No one is exempt,” Love said.
Class participants recalled the causes of their own incivility: When they were having problems at home, were overwhelmed with work, or even when they were attempting to make themselves look better. When the management acts that way, one said, it can trickle down to you.
Sometimes people just don’t have the tools to act properly in every situation, Love said. Sometimes they engage in retaliation for others’ incivility. At other times, it’s a power move, or simply due to overwork or lack of sleep.
“As you become more self-aware, keep in mind that nobody is perfect — we all have bad days.” However, she added, “think about what you can do.”
“As situations arise we have the opportunity to learn new skills. Say ‘hello’ or ‘good morning’ to your co-workers. Hold the door. Give compliments. Encourage acts of kindness. Be on time. Say thank you more often.” And show interest in getting to know the people with whom you work.
For starters, she suggested workplaces have a no-gossip policy. People gossip to gain influence and social advantage, but you don’t have to participate in that, she said. “Set boundaries. Be empathetic. Say something when you hear workplace gossip.”
Respectful conversations, Love emphasized, involve choosing the right occasion to speak; asking permission; sticking to facts; speaking with respect and empathy; giving the other person the benefit of the doubt; asking questions to understand another’s perspective; listening without interrupting; approaching the conversation with an intent to learn rather than win; discussing solutions and thanking the other person for their time.
“You can practice changing your perspective,” Love concluded. She recounted her own experience with a classroom debate in college, in which the professor assigned opposing perspectives for each half of the class to research. Then, just before the debate, the professor told the groups they would be switching sides during the debate.
“It didn’t necessarily change my perspective on the topic,” she said, “but it helped me see it through a different lens.”
She hoped that interactions with others in the workplace focus on their strengths rather than weaknesses, and the common purpose or goals we share.
“If we want someone to listen to our point of view,” Love said, “we should be willing to do the same (and) embrace opportunities to learn from others.”
Marty Levine is a staff writer for the University Times. Reach him at martyl@pitt.edu or 412-758-4859.
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